Raised as a Christian, I was taught that light was good and darkness was evil. However, Hekate showed me that both are sacred. This is the story of how I left dogma, embraced duality, and found peace walking between gods.
I grew up as a Christian my whole life. As a child, I attended daycare programs where I learned about Jesus Christ and went to Bible study. While I never regularly went to church, my aftercare programs reinforced the teachings of Christ. I had no issue with this, as I primarily learned about the Ten Commandments at school and at home. Overall, I was not very familiar with the Bible; I read scripture only here and there.
As I grew older, I began noticing that more churches preached that being gay was wrong, and I witnessed the hate directed toward transgender people. This deeply troubled me. I couldn’t understand why anyone felt the need to focus so much on telling LGBTQ individuals that they were wrong when it had nothing to do with their lives. While it might seem hypocritical to say that people should develop thicker skin and move on, it is equally valid to point out that hate against LGBTQ individuals can lead to hate crimes and dehumanization. This violence puts LGBTQ people at risk when others refuse to recognize their humanity.
In my own life, I have faced assault for standing up for someone who is gay, and I have lived in fear as someone who also identifies within the LGBTQ spectrum. I am uncertain whether I identify as gay or pansexual, as I have been in relationships with men and have also had sexual experiences with women. I enjoyed my time with a female partner, and I often fantasize about feminine men. My first partner was a transgender woman, and I have had only two other male partners since then. I haven’t had many partners overall. Sometimes, I think I might be asexual because I prefer reading books over engaging with sexual content. In fact, I haven’t had sex in about eight months, which makes me wonder if I might lean toward asexuality since it doesn’t bother me.
The experiences I faced in life led me to question my religion, though not my faith. I never felt aligned with the church or trusted it. My parents always advised me not to trust churches, as many are corporate entities rather than genuinely spiritual organizations. While I was never truly religious, I considered myself faith-based. I didn’t doubt Yahweh, but I often wondered if there was more to the story. One question that puzzled me was based on a biblical passage: the Bible states that in the beginning there was darkness, and then God said, "Let there be light." This made me question whether Ha-Satan, the adversary, existed before Yahweh and whether Ha-Satan might have created the opposite of himself to experience new realities. Maybe Ha-Satan merely created Yahweh, “the light,” from the darkness. Alternatively, Ha-Satan might have been an egregore—an entity that exists based on human thought. I never understood what tempted Lucifer to rise against Yahweh, especially given that Heaven was supposed to be perfect. I eventually realized, through studying Hekate, that things can exist in a neutral state while still being perceived as bad. Yahweh was once a war god who overthrew El, the creator, as I learned from content on Esoteria’s YouTube channel. This led me to see things in shades of gray, rather than strictly black or white. One can prefer light or darkness and still do good things, rather than being confined to a rigid narrative of good and evil. For instance, Yahweh flooded the world, which was clearly an evil act, yet He later apologized for it. This contradiction never made sense to me, particularly when people regard God as perfect and loving.
Delving deeper into these questions, I began to feel there had to be more to life. Eventually, I discovered witchcraft on YouTube, sparked by my interest in Diablo IV. I found a content creator with the gamer tag Hekate, which led me to do some research. I was unaware of a deity calling me to a craft, but I quickly became interested in studying her. I read “Hekate: The Goddess of Witches” by Courtney Weber and “Hekate Liminal Rites” by Sorita d’Este & David Rankine. I started following That Divination Witch on YouTube, whose channel challenged my perspectives and allowed me to become more open to Hekate. It’s been about a year since I subscribed to her content, and I only began to read about Hekate a month ago. To this day, I continue to watch her videos and learn more about witchcraft.
Overall, my understanding of witchcraft has grown considerably through a combination of watching informative YouTube videos and reading a variety of books on the subject. I’ve immersed myself in different aspects of witchcraft, exploring its history, practices, and the various traditions that exist within it. Through these resources, I've gained insights into the rituals, spells, and belief systems that shape this fascinating field, deepening my appreciation for its complexity and the diverse experiences of practitioners.
